So Your Partner Has Sleep Apnea: A Guide To Sleeping Easy

If you’re one of the over 10 million people whose partner who suffers from sleep apnea, you don’t need someone to tell you how difficult it can be. Hearing your loved one struggle to breathe at night – and even stop breathing entirely – is inherently scary. This is especially so if you know exactly how dangerous sleep apnea can be. You’ve probably already spoken with your partner about their symptoms, but, like many people, they may be resisting the idea of treatment.

If you’re in this situation, remember that you’re not alone. Because the short-term symptoms of sleep apnea such as grogginess, daytime tiredness, and mood swings, seem like manageable problems, it’s common for sufferers to try and “power through” them. Sometimes it even seems to work, which is a testament to your partner’s  willpower, but it’s important that you understand right away that when you’re discussing medical treatment with your partner that you’re not disrespecting their ability to take care of themselves. You’re saving their life.

Make no mistake: sleep apnea is deadly, with consequences that include a heightened risk for obesity, heart disease, and neurological disorders like dementia. Although broaching the subject and pushing for treatment may feel awkward at first, it’s one of the most important ways you can support them, so here’s how you can help a loved one who suffers from sleep apnea, both before and after they seek treatment.

Convince Them of The Problem

Depending on your situation, your partner may not be aware of the dangers posed by sleep apnea, or may not believe that their case is as severe as you know it to be. If this is the case, then you have to educate them. Talk to them about the long-term consequences of sleep apnea, underlining how even if they can function “just fine” on a day-to-day basis, they open the door to deteriorating health. According to the National Heart, Blood, and Lung Institute, untreated sleep apnea increases the risk of stroke, obesity, and heart failure. That’s right: not only does being overweight cause sleep apnea, but sleep apnea tends to make people obese.  New research from the Journal of Neuroscience Research also shows that sleep apnea may also be associated with neurodegenerative diseases like dementia.

If this isn’t enough, then you have another option to convince your partner that, yes, they have sleep apnea and yes, it really is frightening. It’s your cell phone. When your partner goes to sleep and begins exhibiting their sleep apnea, having recorded evidence of it can go a long way in persuading someone to seek help. From an outside perspective, sleep apnea is very obvious in how it disrupts sleep. Firsthand, however, it is impossible to witness your own apneic episodes without the help of some kind of recording device. Once people gain this outside perspective, they’re often more willing to seek medical help.

Find Short-Term Solutions.

Not everyone can see a sleep specialist right away, but there are a few things you can do to improve your partner’s situation in the meantime. In some cases of sleep apnea, the apnea depends on the position of the sleeper. Sleeping while sitting upright, for example, reduces the incidence of sleep apnea in most people. In others, sleeping on the side might trigger an episode while sleeping on the back is less likely to. With a little testing, you can see if your partner sleeps more soundly in certain positions, and then help accommodate them to sleep that way in the future.

You can also find oral appliances which, while not a replacement for apnea therapy from medical professionals, can improve sleep by keeping the mouth and airways open. These may be cost-effective stopgaps for your partner as they seek the right sleep resources.

Support the Evaluation and Follow Through

Even if your partner is aware of their problem, it might be hard to get them to a sleep laboratory for an evaluation. Sleep problems are often unexpectedly emotional, so it’s up to you to remind your partner of your love, support, and the importance of this evaluation to both of your lives. Depending on the situation and the laboratory, you may even be able to spend the night with them while their sleep is being evaluated, and provide the comfort that they need.

Once a treatment is assigned, it’s also important that you encourage your partner to stick with it. CPAP machines, the most common treatment for sleep apnea, take a lot of getting used to, and patient compliance is a huge issue that limits their effectiveness. Think about all the kids you know or grew up with who had difficulty keeping their retainer in, even though it was important to their teeth! Even if your partner finds the first treatment to be a bad fit for them, remind them that there are many, many CPAP options and CPAP alternatives, such as nose cushions and BPAP machines which resolve many of the comfort-related issues patients experience. All too often, disheartened patients find that their first treatment isn’t tolerable, so they abandon the pursuit of treatment altogether even though another treatment exists that would suit their needs.

Remind your partner of the options available to them, and remind them that once people take the time to get used to their treatment, it really just becomes part of everyday life. The lifelong, life-extending benefits of sleep apnea treatments like the CPAP and BPAP machines are indisputable, and so while getting settled into a treatment might be difficult at first, they’re a powerful investment in your long term health and the health of your own relationship.